John Chow Needs To Give Me A Free Pass To Affiliate Summit

John Chow is running a contest over at his blog where you can win a free pass to Affiliate Summit West in Las Vegas on February 24-26. All you have to do for a chance to win this nearly $1,500 ticket is write a post on why you deserve to go and what you hope to learn by attending the conference. 

I would love to go, but because of scheduling conflicts I can’t make it, but I’m going to write a post anyway as if I were able to go, just for kicks.

Send Me To Affiliate Summit

I’m scared John, that’s why you need to send me to Affiliate Summit. Why am I scared? Because my affiliate marketing career is at a crossroads right now. With a little more knowledge of how the affiliate marketing game works, I could end up like you, making the big bucks somewhere in the neighborhood of $25,000 per month instead of the $2,500 I make now. Otherwise, I could end up like John Cow who is only a cartoon, doesn’t report his income and hangs out in cow pastures. That is what scares me.

Let’s compare the lives of these two bloggers and see why it is imperative that the pass to Affiliate Summit be given to me.

John Chow who makes big bucks and reports his income is able to drink fine wine and apparently John Cow drinks only milk. Milk causes mucus and makes me clear my throat with that disgusting hocking sound which my wife doesn’t like. I would like to drink fine wine instead.

John Chow Drinks Fine Wine Because He Can Afford It.

John Chow also dines in some fine restaurants and is able to afford some really nice food, John Cow on the other hand appears to only be able to afford to eat McDonald’s tasty treats while sitting at his computer. I would like to eat fine food.

John Chow Meal

By picking up tips at Affiliate Summit and especially at your panel with Zac Johnson and Amit Mehta on Super Affiliate Strategies That Work, I’m sure I could translate that into dollars and afford to eat at better restaurants than Micky D’s.

Then we come to the matter of what kind of car a blogger that makes real money can afford vs a blogger who is cartoon drawing and doesn’t report his income. We see what kind of automobiles John Chow likes compared to an auto that Cow is leaning on. Cow’s kind of has a funny paint job and although the artwork is very nice, I still believe that Cow’s car would be a bit difficult to drive being that it’s really just ink. (or maybe pixels?) I would like to own and drive that ZR1 Vette one day.

John Chow's Car vs Cow's Car

Okay, I’m just going to let your imagination run wild on this one…

John Chow Pirate Babes

I’m not interested in the bar babe pirates because I’m married, but I think you get the point here.

There you have it John Chow, my affiliate career depends on you (okay, not really). I’m not going to whine, I’m not going to beg, I’m not going to cry, I’m going to let you decide based on the facts. Help me live the life of a money making blogger and affiliate marketer or treat me like a cow and send me out to pasture.

Yes John Chow, the fate of a very small part of the free world rests directly in your hands.

PS – John Cow is giving away a free pass to Affiliate Summit as well, but he isn’t going to be there. The hotel wouldn’t let him bring his cows.

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6 Responses to “John Chow Needs To Give Me A Free Pass To Affiliate Summit”

  1. Great article! It was nice reading it!

  2. […] mine: John Chow Needs To Give Me A Free Pass To Affiliate Summit Thanks, Alan __________________ Affiliate […]

  3. Very funny. I enjoyed reading it. 😀

  4. Hah… very well put together. You’ve got 2 admit though that the cow-laMOOghini is awesome ;).

  5. Alan:

    In reading your side-by-side comparisons of John Chow and John Cow which I thought were great, I wondered whether there was an information section about you on AffiliateConfession. Surprisingly, I couldn’t find any. Are you hiding out ? Come on, we’re interested in a few tidpits about yourself, in its own section ?


  6. Oops ! Found the info right at the top. Please ignore my previous post.

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